Building From Survival: Why I’ll Never Nurture Anything From That Place Again

There’s something I’ve seen over and over again—women (and men too) pouring everything they have into a career, a business, a dream, even a relationship, but doing it from a place of survival. And the scary part is, most times they don’t even know it. I didn’t either. Not for a long time.

When people talk about survival mode, the first thing they think of is money. And yes, sometimes it is that—when you’re building because rent is due or your account is on minus. But survival mode goes much deeper than that. It’s about your entire state of being. It’s about where your energy is coming from, what your motivations are rooted in, and whether or not your core needs are actually being met.

What is Survival Mode, Really?

Survival mode is what happens when you’re building from a place of lack. Not just financial lack—emotional lack, spiritual lack, relational lack. You’re doing the thing, but your body is tense, your decisions are fear-driven, and your mind is constantly scanning for threats. There’s no peace, no flow—just urgency.

And I know what that feels like because I’ve lived it.

There was a time I was building a women’s digital accelerator. From the outside, it looked amazing. Visionary. Empowering. But inside? I was exhausted. I was isolated. I had no support system. I was doing everything myself—carrying the vision, funding it, executing it, marketing it, managing people, managing my emotions. I was running on fumes, not flow.

It was survival disguised as passion.

And I told myself: I will never nurture anything again from that place.

How Do You Know You’re in Survival Mode?

Let’s break it down. I want to invite you to think through Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. That simple triangle we learned in school? It’s actually one of the most helpful tools when trying to figure out if you’re creating from a solid foundation or from desperation.

Here’s how it works:

1. Physiological Needs

Are you sleeping well? Eating properly? Do you have a safe place to live? Are your basic human needs being met? If you’re skipping meals, sleeping three hours a night, or constantly in unstable housing—you’re not at the base level of security yet.

2. Safety Needs

Do you have a steady income? Health insurance? Emotional and physical safety? For me, survival mode showed up in my past marriage. Even though I was financially okay, I had no emotional safety. No room to be vulnerable or soft. And in many ways, I was just surviving within a relationship that looked good on paper but was draining my soul.

3. Love and Belonging

Do you have trusted people? Chosen family? Friends you can be yourself around? Or are you doing life alone, pretending you're fine? For years, I didn’t know how to ask for help. My support systems were thin or undernourished. I didn’t know how to be carried—so I carried everything alone.

4. Esteem Needs

Do you feel respected and seen? Or are you constantly trying to prove your worth through productivity or success? In my previous marriage, I realized I was nurturing it from a need for validation. I wanted to prove that I could succeed not just in my career, but in love. That unmet need made me ignore too many red flags. That’s survival.

5. Self-Actualization

Are you building from a sense of calling? Alignment? Joy? Or are you performing your purpose like a checklist so you don’t fall apart? Are you trying to heal a wound by finishing a project?

Let’s be honest: some of us are hoping the business will give us self-esteem. Hoping the relationship will give us safety. Hoping the money will bring peace. But when your core needs are unmet, you don’t build with clarity—you build with urgency. You don't nurture—you cling.

So… How Do You Shift Out of Survival Mode?

Here’s what helped me:

🔹 I Created My Own God Channels

I stopped waiting for one person or one job to meet all my needs. I asked myself:

• Where does my strength come from?

• What gives me energy?

• Who reminds me of who I am?

  My God channels became my family, my friends, my income streams, my prayer life. Multiple channels—not one person, not one paycheck—so that I could build from stability, not desperation.

🔹 I Healed My Support Systems

I forgave. I reconnected. I let people in. I deepened the relationship with my dad. I repaired things with my caregivers. I invested in friendships, showed up when it wasn’t convenient, allowed myself to receive—not just give.

🔹 I Got Clear About My Triggers

I stopped rushing. I stopped overworking. I stopped choosing relationships where I had to prove I was lovable. I slowed down and learned to design my life with intention.

🔹 I Stopped Thinking About Money Like Just Money

When you’re building from survival, you chase money as the goal. But when you’re building from stability, you chase value. And value always brings money. But it also brings peace, integrity, and longevity.

Final Words: Flow Over Frenzy

Designing your life is not about aesthetics. It’s about ensuring that whatever you’re nurturing—whether it’s a business, a book, a marriage, or even a baby—you are nurturing it from wholeness, not scarcity.

And sometimes that means taking a pause. Saying no to the job. Leaving the relationship. Delaying the launch. Asking for help. Going to therapy. Waiting until your nervous system is regulated and your heart is whole again.

My mantra now is simple: I never want to feel desperate for anything.

Because desperation clouds discernment. But peace? Peace gives clarity. And that’s the only place I want to build from ever again.

If this is your season to rebuild in peace, the Plan with God journal by Tassel Planners will hold your hand—Scripture, weekly priorities, and quiet space to listen. Use it to map your God channels, set rhythms for rest and work, and make decisions from alignment—not panic. Start your next chapter with clarity and companionship.